All posts tagged 'dating advice'

Decoding Dating Profiles Part II: 10 More Guys You Want To Avoid

24. December 2012

online dating

My original top 10 dating profile red flags intended to save you the ridiculous amount of time that I have now forever lost by corresponding with and/or going out with some total losers I met online was apparently very popular. So, I’ve gone on to provide you with ten more guys to avoid!

Disclaimer: To any of the men whose online dating profiles inspired and unknowingly lent to the quotes that comprise my post, let’s all hope for your sake that knowing is truly half the battle.

1.  “Bonus Point” Guy
You know this guy, the dude that gives “bonus points” for anything and everything. If you “have cookie baking and/or cookie eating skills,“ check this out, you get bonus points. If you’re as comfortable in Manolos as you are in flip-flops or hiking boots, in his book you are the recipient of MAJOR bonus points. Trust me when I say the bonus to you comes from avoiding this guy who clearly likes to play “games” and keep “score.” He will spend the majority of your relationship playing Wii or X-Box in his undying quest to accumulate “points.”

2. Webster 
Here’s a hint: if a guy’s dating profile requires a dictionary to understand, including him seeing “remuneration as a somewhat limited levy of attainment,” forget the dictionary and allow me to translate: I am an insecure guy who will overcompensate for my shortcomings by constantly talking over your head in an attempt to impress you with my knowledge of really big words. P.S. I also suck in bed and will therefore incorporate my SAT vocabulary into talking dirty to you, so as to hopefully distract you from what will probably be the “nadir [lowest point] of coitus [sex] of your entire being [life].”

3. “Disclaimer” Guy 
Any guy that actually feels the need to share with you in his profile that he’s not a “guido who’s life revolves around the gym,” an “angry person,” “gay, confused,” nor has he “ever experimented in college,” does NOT require any additional reading. If he describes himself as being “straight, like your gay friend that you can also have sex with,” you may want to go as far as to flag his profile as inappropriate.

4. “Novel” Guy
If a guy’s profile requires scrolling down just to get to the half-way point, you should probably click “next” without hesitation. You’ll notice that he has exceeded the generous 1,000 characters that the majority of on-line dating sites allot. His “about me” write-up is probably abruptly cut off, but not before he was able to squeeze in, “If there’s anything else you would like to know about me, feel free to ask."  Trust me, when it comes to dating profiles, stick to the Cliff’s Notes versions.

5. To Catch A Predator 
These are the guys that are over 35-years old and looking to meet someone 18 and over for a “serious relationship.” Seriously? You’re 42-years old, a high school teacher, have a 20-year old daughter and are open to dating 18-years olds?  Feel free to “date” and potentially move in with this dude if you don’t mind him eventually leaving you for one of his students, or even worse, your future adopted teenage daughter, ala Soon-Yi style.

woman on computer

6. Contradiction Guy
This guy “Likes going out, but also enjoys staying in,” and possesses a “strong, but gentle nature.” His life is “complicated, yet simple,” and he is the type of guy that, get this, “likes to make plans, but also be spontaneous.” Ladies, here’s the deal with this guy: you could go out with him, or not go out with him, he’s totally fine with it either way.

7.  Ambiguously Gay Guy
Avoid any and all guys that say they will “do anything at least once,” and have “been to gay bars,” at their “friend's invitation.” They will probably admit to having had at least one “man crush,” which more often than not ends up being Johnny DeppChristian Bale, or Ryan Reynolds aka “RyRen.” The big tip off is when they say that they have “never gone ‘all the way’ with a guy and have zero interest in it.” But wait, there is however, a certain type of guy that “for whatever reason,” they are attracted to. To clarify, “only “in the 'making out' while drunk sort of way, definitely not in the holding hands and going to the movies sort of way.” Unless you're a girl who really thinks sex is overrated and are therefore down with dating a “bi” now, “gay” later dude you'll want to click "next".   

8. “Average Joe” 
This guy uses the minimum number of required profile characters to share that he “likes to try new things and see new places.” He probably “likes to have fun,” and get this, on his days off, “likes to do various things.”  He of course is “open to meeting different types of people,” and really looking to “meet someone that he can get to know.” “B-to-the-oring! if you could really see yourself dating Forest Gump, and/or eating super bland rice every day for the rest of your life, by all means go ahead and send a wink.

9. Freudian Slip Guy 
This guy might wrap up his profile by stating, “if interested, please massage me.” He is also more likely than not “looking forward to meating you,” and probably implored you to “feel free to wink and say bi”. Ladies, you definitely want to say “bye” to this guy as he’s got a one-track mind and is just looking to “get off” online dating, and not in a “meet the one so he can settle down” sort of way, if you catch my drift.

10.  Low Self Esteem Guy 
This guy might describe himself as having a decent body “if you don’t mind fairly flabby with a bit of a gut.” He’ll probably throw in something mid-way to the effect of “I’m sure I already lost your attention and doubt you’re still reading this.”  You’ll notice this guy for the most part will keep his profile short and sweet, unless of course he’s decided to list all of his short-comings, not because he’s a man of few words, but just in case “you are not interested, at least [he] will not have wasted too much of your time.”

Tell us: what are some other online dating red flags you've noticed?

Amber SolettiOriginally from Austin, TX, Amber Soletti has been living the single life in NYC since 2000. A marketing professional, Amber worked in the beauty industry for Fortune 500 companies including Aveda and Avon. In an effort to subsidize her dating life and income, in 2008 she co–founded what would soon become NYC’s hottest dating services. Amber has written many published articles on dating advice and the NYC singles scene. She, along with her companies OnSpeedDatingSingleAndTheCity & Kissburg have been featured by The New York Times, Howard Stern, Regis & Kelly, The New York Post, What Not To Wear, Dateline NBC, Good Day NY, CNN and more.

 

 

 

 

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Decoding Dating Profiles: The Top 10 Guys You Want To Avoid

24. December 2012

online dating

Having been online dating since moving to NYC in 2000, it goes without saying that I have more experience perusing men’s online datingprofiles than any single gal should. I want to share with you what I've found to be the top ten dating profile “red flags” that could save you the ridiculous amount of time that I have now forever lost by corresponding with and/or going out with some total losers.

Disclaimer: To any of the men whose profiles inspired and unknowingly lent to the quotes that comprise my post, let’s all hope for your sake that knowing is truly half the battle.

1. Hat Trick
If a guy’s profile only features photos of him sporting a baseball cap, don’t just assume that it’s his favorite hat or that all of the photos must have been taken from the same outing. In "physical description" he may have even filled in the question of “hair color” with “ask me later.” Don’t get me wrong, a lot of bald guys are hot. My dating service even offers a “Bald And The Beautiful” Speed Dating event that always sells out for women. What’s NOT hot is a self-loathing, insecure guy that’s hiding under his hat.

2. “Model” Citizen
Avoid a guy that talks about how he does some “acting and modeling on the side,” is a “former model/personal trainer,” or any variation of having once had a “lucrative career as a model.” They either feel that all they have going for them is their looks, are living in the past, or they’re not looking so great these days and are hoping by mentioning they used to model, you will find them hotter.

3. CAPITAL OFFENSE
ANY GUY THAT WRITES HIS ENTIRE PROFILE IN ALL CAPS SHOULD BE AVOIDED AT ALL COSTS. I.E. “I`M JUST YOUR EVERY DAY PEOPLE AND WOULD LIKE TO MEET SOMEONE SEXY, AND DOWN TO EARTH.”  UH, CAPITAL “NO.”  IT’S AS IF THEY’RE OVER-COMPENSATING WITH LARGE FONT FOR THEIR SMALL INTELLECTUAL CAPACITY.

4. “Killer” Profile
If a guy’s profile pic even remotely resembles Jeffrey Dahmer, to the point where you’re seriously questioning if it is actually him or perhaps a first cousin, you might want to go ahead and click "next."   You know what I'm talking about, the thin guy with the glasses, scraggily hair and a total menacing, pedofile-esque look on his smile-less face. Granted, some people aren’t photogenic and look better in person, but honestly, are you willing to risk your life on it? 

 

 

guy computer couch

5. Lost In Translation. 
“Maybe should me first by said that English is no my speaking.” If you think that was hard to decipher, imagine how much time he put “into” perfecting it via his use of the [insert any foreign language] to English on-line dictionary. I’m sorry ladies, I don’t know about you, but I for one don’t have the patience to date a guy that requires subtitles. I’ve done it once, and you just end up smiling and nodding a lot.

6. Actions Speak Louder Than Words
I get really turned off by the guys that describe themselves as “very attractive,” “charming,” “kind,” “honest,” “generous,” “romantic,” “blah,” “blah,” “adjective,” “blah.”  First of all, “attractiveness” is in the eye of the beholder, so post your pic and let us be the judge.  And as for the rest of it, I feel it should come across in what you say and be more of a “show-not-tell.”

7.  Humor Me
Along those same lines are the guys that find the need to describe their humor ala “I have a dry wit, sure to make you laugh,” or “I think that my most marked trait is a somewhat self-deprecating sense of humor.” They may even go as far as to say, “I’m the funniest guy you’ll ever meet. LOL.”  Be warned ladies, these are likely the least funny guys ever. Date the self-proclaimed “funny guy” and you’ll be courtesy laughing for life.

8.  Don’t “Hang” Yourself
“I'm looking for someone to hang out with and get to know.”  Translation:  I’m not looking for a relationship or to take you out on dates. I just want to come “kick it “ at your crib late night, so I can get familiarized with your liquor cabinet and favorite positions. Don’t worry, I’ll bring the 420. Let’s just say these relationships tend to be as short-lived and easily delete-able as the text messages they’re usually founded on.

9.  Come Correct
If someone mentions that they are “opened to the possibilities,” “have interests which might seem like contractions,” are “emmotionally available” and/or, get this, find “grammatical errors an spelling mitakes a turn off,” you may even want to go as far as to “flag” the profile as inappropriate.

10. “Fit” To Be Tied
Avoid any and all guys that say, “working out and staying in shape are very high on my list of priorities.” They probably then delve into stats on how frequently they go to the gym. They of course like to do a “variety of things including hiking, skiing, triathlons, running, biking, etc.” They keep themselves “in tip-top shape and believe the body is a gift and should be maintained.” What they clearly haven’t realized is that being SO “fit” and “big” actually makes “it” appear even smaller than what they’re already trying to over-compensate for.

Amber SolettiAmber Soletti is the co-founder of two of NYC’s hottest dating services. Amber has written many published articles on dating advice and the NYC singles scene. She, along with her edgy, tongue-in-cheek “themed” speed dating, singles parties, and free online dating service have been featured by The New York Times, Howard Stern, Regis & Kelly, The New York Post, What Not To Wear, Dateline NBC, Good Day NY, CNN and more.


 

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Sorry Patti But Playing It "Straight" On A First Date Is Totally "Dated"

26. November 2010

As  matchmaker and resident NYC single gal who runs speed dating events, observing male and female interaction on a daily basis, curly women are constantly asking me if on a first date they should follow Patti Stanger’s advice of getting their hair professionally blown out.

Here’s my take on the Millionaire Matchmaker’s, (who can obviously afford unlimited salon blow-outs), insistence that looking your best on a first date requires having straight/sleek hair. I give the same advice for job interviews and first dates, which can often feel like a job interview. Be yourself. If you’re not the type to wear a suit to work everyday, yet alone at all, than don’t wear one on the interview and give the impression of being something you’re not. If you’re a curly girl that doesn’t plan on blowing her hair out every single day, than why go through all the effort of ultimately misleading your date? You want a guy to be “into” and attracted to you for you, curls and all.

Here’s what I know. Men find versatile women HOT. Versatility in the bedroom, in your sexuality, the way you dress. Think about it. As a woman of curl, you have the option of going straight one night, wavy the next and full-on kinky the third. For men, it can almost be like being with a different girl every night.

Men tend to be attracted to the exotic and unique. Think about it—there are fewer blondes than brunettes, and they consequently garner more attention from men. It’s a basic economic principal, which easily translates to the dating world. Things that are scarce and less available are consequently more in demand. Blue eyes, full lips, a Kim-Kardashian-esque derriere and yes, curly hair exist among a smaller sect of the population. Not everyone has it nor can everyone can pull it off, but when you’ve got it, you should flaunt it, stand out from the crowd and definitely cause men and women alike to take notice. Getting noticed is half the battle.

It’s funny, because Patti Stanger is SO adamant that her male clientele are requesting women with straight, flat-ironed hair. I think her approach and opinions on this topic, are as dated as her own stick-straight style.

We have an “ask and you shall receive” policy at OnSpeedDating. If enough people request a speed dating “theme” then we’ll make it happen. I have yet to have a man request an event themed around women with straight hair, but I did receive MANY requests for what we are now calling are “Curls Gone Wild” event for curly girls and the men who LOVE them.

Life is too short to be a “closeted” curly girl, forever married to the notion of the mandatory “first-date”, flat-ironed blow-out. Super-straight hair is contrived, conservative and Stepford wife-esque. It’s very “The Rules.” Stop conforming. A good, strong man doesn’t want to date a woman who follows the rules. He wants a woman who breaks the rules and/or makes her own. Women who embrace their curls are seen as care-free, confident and comfortable with who they are, which is the ultimate sexy to men.

Here’s my advice. Spend that hour you would normally take to blow out your hair to get in a work-out at the gym. Guarantee it will be time better spent in your pursuit of being your best, most confident you, which goes hand in hand with finally meeting “the one”.

Amber SolettiAmber SolettiOriginally from Austin, TX, Amber Soletti has been living the single life in NYC since 2000. A marketing professional, Amber worked in the beauty industry for Fortune 500 companies including Aveda, Avon & Conair. In an effort to subsidize her dating life and income, in 2008 she co-founded what would soon become two of NYC's hottest dating services. Amber has written many published articles on dating advice and the NYC singles scene. She, along with her companies OnSpeedDatingSingleAndTheCity & Kissburg have been featured by The New York Times, Howard Stern, Regis & Kelly, The New York Post, What Not To Wear, Dateline NBC, Good Day NY, CNN and more.

 

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A Guide To Decoding Dating Labels

26. November 2010

As single women, when it comes to relationships, we like to have closure and more importantly, to know where we stand at ALL times. Unfortunately in today’s convoluted dating world where the internet, free dating sites and cell phones have provided already non-committal men with even MORE options and honesty and transparency pretty much don’t exist, where do we stand?

 

If I’m seeing someone that has “boyfriend potential” I like to say that I’m dating.  “Boyfriend potential” meaning he has the majority of things on my “LIST”.  Is he the one?  Too soon to tell, but he could potentially be “the one” and we will continue to “date” until I figure it out.  To be clear, I can’t say that I’ve done too much "dating" in the city.  I very RARELY click with and am attracted to someone and in the rare event that I am, they typically end up being unavailable and/or raising red flags which quickly down-grades their status.  Is it okay to “date” more than one person at a time?  I think it is critical to “date” multiple men. “Things”, especially in NYC have a tendency to NOT work out.  By having a couple of guys in the rotation, you’re keeping your options open which helps lessen the disappointment when it doesn’t work, there’s always the other guy.

 

“Seeing Someone” If you’re going out with someone you know is NOT “the one” but you are sleeping with them and spending time with them, than by my definition, you are “seeing” them.  Guess it’s a kind of a more respectable way to describe an unspoken “friends with benefits” or “hook-up” situation. I tend to “recycle” guys that I’ve “seen” in the past.  They come, they go, but they ALWAYS come back in some form or fashion even years later.

 

“Boyfriend” Actions speak louder than words with exception to “the talk” which HAS to happen for your “relationship” to be legit.  He can be acting like your boyfriend, seeing you a few times a week, calling you every night, holding your hand in public, BUT, if you do not have “the talk”, he in his own mind can still think he is single and actually, based on the unspoken rules of dating, technically has the right to still be seeing other people.  Most men try to put off having “the talk” for as long as possible.  Here’s a hint: Stay away from men who are initiating “the talk”, especially if it’s within a couple of weeks of meeting you.

 

Harsh but true...You may have had "the talk", and even be saying the "L" word, but here's a MAJOR indicator that he's still NOT really your boyfriend.  If you're "boyfriend" won't change his Facebook status to say "in a relationship" with you, than despite having had "the talk", he is still not willing to fully commit and is probably seeing people behind your back or at least wanting to have the option to do so in the event he's contacted by an "ex" or as SO many men endearingly refer to me, "unfinished business".  If you're in this situation I would quickly in your mind downgrade this man to someone you're "seeing" while immediately hitting singles events and girlfriend supported outings to begin the search for an upgrade.


FYI ladies…”Text message” relationships are “textbook” he’s just not “into” you.  But that’s okay…maybe we’re not all that “into” them either.  As soon as a relationship starts to look like or full-on become of the “text message” variety, I quickly demote that guy from someone I’m “dating” to someone I’m “seeing”.  Don’t get me wrong, “text message” relationships can be a nice distraction and keep us going during dreaded  dating droughts.  I for one survived ten years in "Corporate America" largely due to some great text message exchanges that got me through PLENTY a boring meeting, conference call and 3-day seminar. Again, they’re fine, but don’t make the mistake of thinking it’s more than it is and just know that like a “text”, these types of relationships tend to be short-lived and EASILY deleted…except for the private, naughty pics that these guys will probably save on their phones FOREVER so they can continue to show them to their friends and anyone else that will look. 

 

Here's my dating advice.  With all of the 'smoke and mirrors' that men put out, it’s hard to say if we’re ever seeing things clearly.  Our relationship labels may at times be off or greatly vary, but at the end of the day I truly believe that knowing is half the battle.  The quicker you can see things for what they are, the less likely you are to be disappointed, hurt or wasting valuable time.  I tell all of my gfs and female matchmaking clients, be aware of your male surroundings and always try to know where you stand. If you’re too emotionally involved to assess, have an honest girlfriend put a label on it for you.

 

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