Sorry Patti But Playing It "Straight" On A First Date Is Totally "Dated"
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Sorry Patti But Playing It "Straight" On A First Date Is Totally "Dated"

26. November 2010

As  matchmaker and resident NYC single gal who runs speed dating events, observing male and female interaction on a daily basis, curly women are constantly asking me if on a first date they should follow Patti Stanger’s advice of getting their hair professionally blown out.

Here’s my take on the Millionaire Matchmaker’s, (who can obviously afford unlimited salon blow-outs), insistence that looking your best on a first date requires having straight/sleek hair. I give the same advice for job interviews and first dates, which can often feel like a job interview. Be yourself. If you’re not the type to wear a suit to work everyday, yet alone at all, than don’t wear one on the interview and give the impression of being something you’re not. If you’re a curly girl that doesn’t plan on blowing her hair out every single day, than why go through all the effort of ultimately misleading your date? You want a guy to be “into” and attracted to you for you, curls and all.

Here’s what I know. Men find versatile women HOT. Versatility in the bedroom, in your sexuality, the way you dress. Think about it. As a woman of curl, you have the option of going straight one night, wavy the next and full-on kinky the third. For men, it can almost be like being with a different girl every night.

Men tend to be attracted to the exotic and unique. Think about it—there are fewer blondes than brunettes, and they consequently garner more attention from men. It’s a basic economic principal, which easily translates to the dating world. Things that are scarce and less available are consequently more in demand. Blue eyes, full lips, a Kim-Kardashian-esque derriere and yes, curly hair exist among a smaller sect of the population. Not everyone has it nor can everyone can pull it off, but when you’ve got it, you should flaunt it, stand out from the crowd and definitely cause men and women alike to take notice. Getting noticed is half the battle.

It’s funny, because Patti Stanger is SO adamant that her male clientele are requesting women with straight, flat-ironed hair. I think her approach and opinions on this topic, are as dated as her own stick-straight style.

We have an “ask and you shall receive” policy at OnSpeedDating. If enough people request a speed dating “theme” then we’ll make it happen. I have yet to have a man request an event themed around women with straight hair, but I did receive MANY requests for what we are now calling are “Curls Gone Wild” event for curly girls and the men who LOVE them.

Life is too short to be a “closeted” curly girl, forever married to the notion of the mandatory “first-date”, flat-ironed blow-out. Super-straight hair is contrived, conservative and Stepford wife-esque. It’s very “The Rules.” Stop conforming. A good, strong man doesn’t want to date a woman who follows the rules. He wants a woman who breaks the rules and/or makes her own. Women who embrace their curls are seen as care-free, confident and comfortable with who they are, which is the ultimate sexy to men.

Here’s my advice. Spend that hour you would normally take to blow out your hair to get in a work-out at the gym. Guarantee it will be time better spent in your pursuit of being your best, most confident you, which goes hand in hand with finally meeting “the one”.

Amber SolettiAmber SolettiOriginally from Austin, TX, Amber Soletti has been living the single life in NYC since 2000. A marketing professional, Amber worked in the beauty industry for Fortune 500 companies including Aveda, Avon & Conair. In an effort to subsidize her dating life and income, in 2008 she co-founded what would soon become two of NYC's hottest dating services. Amber has written many published articles on dating advice and the NYC singles scene. She, along with her companies OnSpeedDatingSingleAndTheCity & Kissburg have been featured by The New York Times, Howard Stern, Regis & Kelly, The New York Post, What Not To Wear, Dateline NBC, Good Day NY, CNN and more.


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